Dear friend,

Have you ever said "holy fuck, I wish I wouldnt have been hacked like that, I wish I could get back my elite data and porn!"

If so, this document pertains to YOU.

First, let me give you some background on myself. My name is Joey Caberras, and I get hacked all the fucking time. I sure do hate it, and let me tell you why. I always get the best dyke-n-midget pr0n around and then i wake up the next day and get onto my computer and its been hacked! clean out. For years, I would have to reformat my shit and start my dyke pr0n collection all over. What a fuck I was!
Thanks to modern science and technology, I have developed a 7 step program to "un-hacking jew'r data, d0ud," so to speak.
NOTE: THIS IS NOT A SALES PITCH!
no purchase is required! just read this document and you will know everything there is to know about reverse hackery!

"Allright, enough with this, lemme heark about the elite tekneekz d0ud!"

Okay, first i must go over some terms for you so you "laymen" can understand what the fuck im talking about! ha ha, im a wop!
The following things are true...

Gibson: the controller of your hackery and all the information in your computer. Once this is hacked, you cannot reverse the hackery effects.
pr0n: in a nutshell, pornographic material which is obtained from the "WEB" or other means of digital communication, i.e. FTP or anal router hookups.
dillidium: from the root word "dildo," this substance is what Gibsons are made up of. very high tech, very homosexual.
hax0r: you may hear me use this term. its "elite talk" for "hack." i use it because im a fucking bad assed hax0r d0ud.
trout: fish.
Wop-Mod: a modification which one does to one's computer which consists of the fastening of a miniature italian to one's video card, thus making it slower and less dependable. dont ask me why.
hack-stick: a hacker's nickname for his penis. (see "hack-hole" for female version)
dyke-rod: a device which de-dykes one's hard disk. this is useful for hacks such as the DykeInsertionHack.20X.
hack-hole: a female hacker's genitalia.
breast clown: a "top dog" hacker. like those fuckers in "Top Gun," except not involving planes.
breast posse: a group of three or more breast clowns.

With that out of the way, here's the 7 steps!

STEP ONE:
do a routine "Gibson Check" to insure that your gibson has not been hacked. if it has been hacked, please stop reading now, there is nothing you can do. if not, however, type "un-hack" at your prompt. you should see a screen with a menu with the following options:
( ) Click here if you think you were hacked
( ) Click here if you're not sure, but your pr0n is gone
( ) Click here if you desire mad anal stuffings
( ) Click here if you are a dyke and you want pr0n of yourself

Next, follow the easy steps and un-hack your way to safety! this is awsome, d0ud.

STEP TWO:
if the "un-hack" command did not work for you (i.e. you dont have it or you are are just a fuck), then you must resort to more drastic measures. the following is a more crude approach to unhacking.
type: "fucking computer, give me back my shit now or ill fuck you up"
if it does not respond to this, smack it so it knows you mean buisness, then type it again. if that fails, type:
"fucking piece of god damn shit, you better give me my shit back now or ill fuck you up soo bad that you wont know what hit you, you fucking piece of shit!"
if this does not work, you're fucked on this step, and proceed to step 3.

STEP THREE
Go to the refrigerator. get a large, raw meadowlark (if you do not have these on hand, please fuck off), pluck the feathers from its left breast, and apply it to your gibson. occasionally, meadowlarks put off certain Gibson-cleansing waves which cure your hackery almost instantly. but use caution when handling the meadowlark, they occasionally have leaking colons which, unfortunately, are also radioactive. do not get this colon juice on you or you shall perish in seconds. quite a sacrofice to save your Gibson, eh? well, dyke porn is hard to come by!

STEP FOUR
Wax your vole. it is necissary for your Gibson to work fully that your vole is waxed so it may glide easily in and out of the dwarf's anal. (being the dwarf that operates the Gibson)

STEP FIVE
Negotiate with the dwarf. offer him peanuts. dwarfs like peanuts. if he turns down this offer, attempt to insert carrots into his ears. for some odd reason, they like this. its like sex. for them. oh. god. fuck. if this does not work, offer him some oral stimulii. they almost never turn down such an offer. if he does, however, you've got one fucking weird dwarf d0ud.

STEP SIX
allright, if you've made it this far, you're most likely fucked. but these last two steps should be used only as a LAST RESORT.
Heres what you do. go down to the local computer shop or "magic: the gathering" retailer. Locate a "hax0r". ask him to repair your Gibson, and offer to touch his/her hack-stick/hole. "hax0rs," being sexually deprived indiviguals, will most certainly take you up on this offer of sexual contact. CAUTION: "hax0rs" will most certainly become attached to you from this point on, so only use this if you absolutely have to.

STEP SEVEN: APOCOLYPSE
CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION: THIS IS BAD. DONT FRONT.
okay, so you're on your last dyke, eh? you need a fix fer jew'r gibson? first, open your computer up. locate your Gibson. next, remove the gibson from the computer. cover it with water. remove and dry off. (this removes excess jews) next, turn the gibson upside down. you will see a series of switches labelled "stimuli," "anal," "fuck," and "nigtown." affix anal cement to the switches "anal," "fuck," and "nigtown," to insure that they do not get switched. next, switch the "stimuli" button. you should now hear a beeping sound and a flashing red light should be right the fuck in front of you. press this button. you should now hear a buzzing sound and you should see a hole opening up in your gibson. this is its genitals, and you are about to sex it. do not panic, it is gentle. (note, for females, get your daddy/boyfriend/cat to do this, as it does not care who's genitals it gets).
Upon sexing the Gibson, it stimulates the hacked cylanders inside the hacked circuits, thus flushing out the bad hackery. HOWEVER, this only works 1.4% of the time, and when it does not, it malfunctions to the effect that it removes one's genitalia and then launches them at them at a high speed, causing blunt object trauma. THIS IS WHY ITS SO FUCKING RISKY, FUCKO. dont front.

IF THIS DOES NOT WORK, GET A NEW GIBSON, DOUD#$@$#@$#@

by beverage